When I was in college, I had a dream. Going into my junior year, God gave me a vision to start a media company that encouraged young adults to keep living the faith. This vision was so clear and succinct in my mind that I gathered some friends and tried to get it going.

On a dark, muggy Thursday night, we met in my friend’s childhood home down the street from campus. We talked, we worshiped, and we had warm, gooey chocolate chip cookies. We did what Christians and business leaders do best—we got in together and we talked about what could be. If I’m being honest, it felt a little bit like the twelve disciples meeting for the Last Supper. Purposeful. Legit. Almost a bit urgent.

A few days after that meeting, we had a plan. There was a leadership team. Resources were coming together. But only a few short weeks later, everything crumbled. Not just the project, but my body. And while there were a handful of reasons the media company never made it past a few shared Google Doc folders and a customized email address, the project crumbled because my body crumbled with it.

I had so many ideas, goals, and dreams running wild in my mind about where God was leading me. But very quickly I understood my body couldn’t keep up. On top of a full semester, sorority responsibilities, babysitting, and working odd jobs for cash, starting a media company was not in the cards. My body wasn’t able to do it. The fatigue hit me hard.

At that point, I had been walking through a plethora of autoimmune-type symptoms for six years. The failure of energy in my body shouldn’t have been surprising. Yet it was. It always seems to shock me when my body can’t keep up with the demands of my schedule and the expectations of others.

At that time, I had a dream. I had a content schedule. I had a team of friends who were willing and ready to help. It seemed that my body, on the other hand, had a mind of its own.

Have you ever been in a place like this, where you have a dream, goal, or vision, and as soon as you start walking it out, your body says, “No ma’am?”

Have you ever started using your God-given gifts or even simply living your life more intentionally—trying to squeeze every ounce of goodness from it—only to have your body behave uncooperatively?

You’re in good company. I’ve been there too many times to count. It’s pretty hard to get anything done when we’re dragging our bodies along for the ride. It turns out that we really do need them, wink, wink.

Oftentimes where I get stuck—when the fatigue and autoimmune symptoms somehow surprise me—is when I schedule my week in a way I think I “should” be able to keep up with, and then I fall short. It’s as if I set my calendar hoping my body, mind, and emotional capacity will be able to do all the things. As if moving faster will be what finally gets my body to “shape up” and get with the program. Hello, body! I’ve got dreams to chase! Things to do! People to see!

I get stuck when I project what I think an acceptable, capable, passionate, side-hustlin’ gal should be able to do onto my own life and calendar. And when I inevitably can’t meet those expectations, I feel like a failure. I feel like my body is holding me back from living. From using my God-given gifts. From enjoying the life and people around me.

In those moments, if I’m being honest, part of me can’t help but wonder, God, why would you give me these gifts, these dreams, and this life in this body if I’m too fatigued/nauseous/fill-in-the-blank to use them?

When I take a step back, when I sit at the feet of Jesus and bring this to Him, I can’t help but hear His gentle voice reminding me:

Who set that standard of perfection? Because that’s never what I’ve asked of or wanted from you. 

Oof.

Let that sink into your heart, friend.

Jesus isn’t asking us to do all the things, accomplish every task, and reach every dream perfectly, just as we planned it.

We have the ability—and truly the responsibility—to set a schedule, set goals, and set deadlines in a way our bodies can handle. We don’t have to do what every other woman is doing at the pace she’s doing it.

We have the freedom to do what works for us. We get to rethink the pace we subconsciously told ourselves we “should” move at.

We have the freedom to use our gifts, no matter how fast we’re moving, no matter how much we get done in a day/week/month.

We have the freedom to evaluate what’s working in our lives and what’s not—so that we can actually enjoy this one life we’ve been given.

We have the freedom to be faithful with the specific goals and dreams God gave us—in the specific body He’s also given us.

We have the freedom to say yes to God, even if we’re tired. Especially when we’re tired.

We have the freedom to move at whatever pace works best for our physical, mental, and emotional health.

We have the freedom to do what we can instead of dwelling on what we can’t.

In Jesus Christ, we are free. No matter what we feel in our bodies. Forever and ever, we are free.

Amen.