Perfectionism. 

Hello, old, pesky friend.  

My goodness. I can’t even stand to call it a friend, because, in reality, it’s most certainly a foe. 

If you were to look at the soil in my heart any time over the past 24 years, one of the consistent weeds you’d find, that I’m constantly trying to uproot and terminate, is perfectionism. I’ve talked through it with my friends, mentors, and therapist (she’s one of my favorite people to talk to about it, because most of the time, it runs pretty deep). 

At the end of the day, the truth is that perfectionism most definitely holds us back. From using our God-given gifts. From taking a step of faith. From simply living an abundant and free life. It’s certainly held me back before, way more times than I’d like to count. 

We’ll be waiting forever if we’re waiting for our writing, podcasts, businesses, ideas, text messages, birthday cards, or to-do lists to be perfect—or perfectly completed. 

It’s okay if we create or do something we look back on a year from now and cringe at. We are always evolving. It would be concerning if we never found ways we wanted to grow or improve. 

I’ve found that perfectionism and abundant life are often at war. Probably because an abundant life almost always includes organic, messy, holy growth. And we can’t have both. So we must choose. When there’s war involved, we can’t just choose. We must fight. 

It’s up to us to unplug the voice of shame and impossibly high standards in our minds. We have the authority to shift our focus and step into our lives with confidence and faith. It just requires a little work. Here are a few reminders and questions to get you thinking, and most importantly, to get you moving in using your God-given gifts. 

The weight of perfectionism is heavy. Suffocating. Borderline crushing. I don’t want you to carry that alone or feel stuck for one more second. Here are a few reminders to encourage you, revive your spirit, and hopefully push you to take a step and live out your God-given gifts. The good news? There’s a whole lot of freedom on the other side.  

REMINDER #1

I’m going to ask you to do a little soul work. These are questions that I’ve asked myself and have had to revisit from time to time. These questions can truly help us unlock what’s going on. 

What’s beneath the perfectionism? 

Really?

What are you afraid would happen if you made a mistake, error, wrong statement, or move?

What’s the worst that could actually happen? 

Write down every thought you have here and see what comes up. Go down every avenue and jot it down on paper. It’s a lot easier to look these concerns and fears in the face than to have them whisper in your ear every single day. 

When I answer these questions, I usually find a mixture of fear and insecurity are at hand. Those are typically the key players in a case of perfectionism. Getting to the root cause is essential. Without the raw, honest truth, we would be stuck in the cycle of perfectionism forever. Gasp! That’s truly terrifying to me. 

Pinning down what’s holding you back and restoring that narrative could be what helps you take the next step toward not just living, but flourishing.

REMINDER #2

Perfectionism will try to make you believe you must have everything figured out before start doing whatever it is you want to do. The truth? You don’t. Whatever goal you’re chasing or whatever passion you’re pursuing, it’s okay to learn as you go. To figure things out as you go. To make mistakes as you go. That’s where the growth happens. 

A perfect plan won’t work, simply because it doesn’t exist. Give yourself permission to map out a path, do your best work, and then let go of trying to hold the next ten steps of your plan together. We were only meant to worry about one day at a time. If this weren’t the case, I’m pretty confident Jesus wouldn’t have given us this encouragement in Matthew 6:34: “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” We get to focus on today, and He takes care of the rest. How freeing. 

REMINDER #3

Another honest question. This is worth it, though—I promise.

What are you trying to control?

Is it what other people think about you?

Is it other people’s actions or responses?

Is it your image—physically or figuratively?

Is it avoiding unexpected, unwanted situations or circumstances?

Spoiler alert: we don’t have that much control. Of course, we can make choices that affect our day-to-day well-being and the trajectory of our lives, like how we spend our time, who we surround ourselves with, what we consume—both food and media—and how much we talk to God. 

These choices for sure make a difference and can set us up for success. But we most certainly can’t control other people or circumstances that are thrown our way.

Can we take a collective exhale and remind ourselves, in a kind and matter-of-fact tone, that we can’t control these things? So let’s not even waste effort or rent out headspace to it anymore. Because it’s most certainly costing us. And when we are holding back our God-given gifts, it’s also costing the Kingdom. 

Reminder that your gifts, your light, and what you have to offer are most definitely needed. God wouldn’t have given you those gifts if He didn’t want you to use them for His glory and the good of others. 

Reminder that fighting perfectionism and stepping out in faith—even when you don’t have everything figured out—is always worth it. When we don’t know how something will turn out, we’re forced to trust God, which puts us right in the palm of His hand, perhaps the safest place we could ever be. 

Repeat five times after me: 

It’s okay that I’m not perfect. 

It’s okay that I create things that aren’t perfect. 

No matter what I do or don’t do, I am good. 

I am loved, even though I’m not perfect. 

I choose life and freedom over a lifetime of chasing control.