Lately, I’ve needed a change. Maybe spring is shaking things up in my life, or maybe it’s because I don’t get an official summer break and I’m feeling the “school’s out” vibes. Either way—I’ve been trying something new to create space for change. 

Instead of walking the same route I’ve been walking for over a year, I created a new path for my daily walks. I head out the back of my building instead of the front, I zigzag through every apartment parking lot in my neighborhood, and I march around the block nearly every morning. I’ll go around the block in this zigzagging fashion two, three, or four times depending on the day. This little shift is just that—little—but it’s been a fun way to feel a fresh wind of something. 

As I loop the neighborhood, I’m always looking for signs of life. Currently, there’s a lilac bush blooming in the back of the first parking lot I buzz through, and I love watching its beauty expand day by day. There’s also the serene, still pool I pass on my way through the complex. It never fails to tempt me to throw on my swimsuit and bask in the sun, no matter the time of day. And then, there’s the unexpected sign of life that always brings a smile to my face and a pleasing aroma to my nose. 

As I make it around the last bend before getting home, there is, without fail, always one of my neighbors grilling bacon on their balcony. This might annoy or gross out some people who don’t like unexpected smells, which I totally understand, but c’mon. It’s bacon. And it’s outdoors. The smell isn’t getting into anyone’s (or at least not my) unit. How can you not enjoy the mouthwatering smell of such a fine breakfast delicacy—especially when you’re not the one who has to fry it or clean it up? 

I’m always excited for this part of my walk because I know I’ll get a whiff of that goodness. It’s something sweet (well, salty) that brightens my day and makes me want to know more about their story. 

Which made me think. 

How do I smell? 

Not in a literal, physical way—if that were the case, I hope the answer would be a healthy dose of deodorant and floral notes.

In a metaphorical, spiritual sense, though, I wonder: What’s my aroma? What taste am I leaving people with when they spend time with me? How do people feel after hanging around me? Whether it’s a friend, coworker, Chipotle employee, or my boyfriend—am I showing up for them as best I can? Or am I complaining, stewing, or letting selfishness run the interaction or relationship?

I’m sad to report my answer is not always pleasant, even though I want it to be. My intentions can be so pure, but my actions, words, or mannerisms can be a different story. This is where I remind both you and me that we can flip the narrative if we’re not liking how we’ve been showing up in relationships or different situations lately. We can repent (which at its core means “to turn”) and go a different direction with God’s grace. It’s that simple. 

My pastors (Earl and Oneka McClellan from Shoreline City) were recently on a podcast with Sadie Robertson Huff. You can listen to it here—it’s truly one of the best conversations I’ve ever listened to. They talk about being a “there you are person” vs. a “here I am person.” I’ll let you dig into the episode and scoop out all the wisdom for yourself, but the idea is that we always have the opportunity to walk into a room and make someone else feel loved instead of making the whole interaction about us. We have the choice to get curious about others and ask them questions, invest in their lives, and generally just love them, or we can make a conversation or situation all about ourselves.

As we reflect on this bacon-scented question—how are we showing up for others?—I believe there are a few key things to keep in mind. I’ve found these thoughts and guidelines helpful and hope they guide you into more freedom, abundant life, and deeper, more Christ-like relationships. 

001. Good news: It’s not all on you.

Take some of the pressure off yourself, because if you’re walking with Jesus, the fruits of the Spirit are overflowing from you. Galatians 5:22 tells us that love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control are the fruits of the Spirit, and as Christians, these traits will become abundantly clear to those around us as we journey with God. Even when we don’t have the bandwidth to be kind or patient, He gives us the strength to do so. It’s a miracle and a gift that the Holy Spirit lives inside of us believers. He’s our Helper by definition (John 14:16), and I’ve seen Him step in and help me time and time again when I’ve felt like I have nothing left to give. So take a deep breath and remember that it’s not all up to you to love others. 

002. This is a check-in. Not a test.

It’s all too easy to be hard on ourselves and expect perfection in every situation, all the time. I’m at the front of the line here. I call myself a “recovering perfectionist” because I’m continually doing the work of uprooting perfectionism from my soul. The question I’ve been asking myself is this: What if we aimed for faithfulness—or consistency—over perfection?

Answering this question—how are we showing up for others?—is meant as a check-in. It’s not a test we can fail, because if that’s how God kept score, we would always lose. It’s by His grace that we are made right with Him and others. 

When we walk with Him the fruits of the Spirit are in us. But every once and a while, if we are exhausted, worn down, or just in the thick of a hard season, we can start to act (or react) out of painful emotions or frustrations. I think checking in with ourselves—in this area and any other—is a sign of wisdom and maturity. Even if the reality isn’t pretty, the act of checking in on how we’re showing up for other people is a beautiful sign of self-awareness. When we discover where we’ve fallen short or missed the mark, repentance + God’s grace are going to help us move forward. They’re the only way. 

We are human beings that experience a myriad of thoughts, feelings, and just plain, hard days. There’s no need to beat ourselves up about how we’re feeling at any moment, but there’s always an opportunity to ask the Holy Spirit to help us embrace others with love. 

003: Take it situation by situation, day by day. 

I’ve found it’s helpful to think about this question situationally, and at times, even daily. For example, instead of generally asking myself How do I want others to feel around me? I might ask, How do I want to show up at this event? Or this meeting? Or this Bible study? Or this date night? 

This makes it feel a lot more manageable and intentional for me. I don’t have to plan my whole life or make a statement about how I will always be (which is unpredictable because I’m #human), but I can focus on showing up as a gentle, loving, authentic person for the next few hours. 

Maybe I need to verbally express how grateful I am for a friend because even though I think about their strengths and gifts all the time, they haven’t heard it from me in a while. Or maybe I need to spend 20 minutes processing something with the Lord and my trusty journal before taking it to a friend or letting it linger. 

004: It’s about love, not approval. 

Deciding how we want to leave people feeling isn’t about trying to please them or get their approval—it’s about how we want to love them. It’s not about us; it’s about them. And like the steamy, fresh bacon down the street from my apartment, are people running back for more of our aroma—encouraged, loved, and pointed to Jesus—or are they turned off by complaints and negativity, on the edge of their seats waiting to get away? 

There are little things we can do to love our people as best we can. Maybe we won’t smell like bacon (actually, I really hope we don’t naturally smell like bacon), but with a little self-reflection and intentionality, we can sport the sweetest fragrance that blesses everyone around us.