What comes to mind when you hear the word friendship?

It’s a big, broad word with lots of baggage and personality.  Maybe positive experiences or influential people surface with a flurry of butterflies, or maybe the thought of your past and/or present company stings because there’s unresolved hurt or conflict. 

In the past, I’ve thought my friends needed to be people who thought, believed, and acted exactly like me. I thought I needed carbon copies of Anna Rose’s. But if I were searching for a group of people exactly like me, I’d be searching for a looong time. I’d spend the rest of my life scavenging and still end up empty-handed. 

While it’s tempting to put a stake in the ground and say “This is something I’ve figured out, something I have a huge opinion on,” regarding any subject matter, I’ve learned I am always learning. We are all forever students, no matter if we’re in school or not. 

My heart has totally softened in the friendship department. Now, one of my favorite things about my friends and those I get to develop relationships with is the ways they are different from me. Yep, I said it. Big 180. I love the traits and gifts and passions that are not, indeed, just. like. me. 

Of course, there are some areas that true friends simply must believe in together, or there would be no overlap in life. If you hate coffee, creativity, good books, music of any sort, walks through the neighborhood, tennis, well-produced TV shows, delicious food, and/or critiquing any of the above… well, we may not have too much to talk about after a while. (Just kidding. I will still talk to you. It just might be hard;).

On the real, common interests and passions bring people together. And if we’re pursuing a relationship with God, we need friends and community who are doing the same. That’s a non-negotiable. You become who you surround yourself with, and becoming more like Jesus happens when we are in community with people pursuing the same. But also… it happens with those who aren’t. Let me explain. 

I think this is where we as Christians get it wrong so much of the time. It’s at this intersection between intentional, necessary community, and everybody else. It’s like a black and white division of us vs. them. And that’s never how relationships or following Jesus was intended to be. 

I believe we need friends who don’t share the same core beliefs. I really, truly want friends who bring different perspectives into my life—in all areas. Some of my most refreshing and fulfilling conversations began with girlfriends who didn’t, and still don’t, believe in God. They are kind, gracious, creative, encouraging people who have challenged and loved me, and I have too many pictures, deliriously funny videos, and deeply meaningful text messages to even attempt to suggest that they don’t mean a great deal to me. I’ve learned so much about God’s grace, unconditional love, and the joy of friendship through these friendships and wouldn’t trade them for the world. 

So if you’re reading this now and aren’t so sure about this whole Christianity thing, I want to explore a few thoughts together. The first being that you are valuable and loved and don’t need to earn that from anyone or anything. Period. Ever. You are welcome and celebrated here.

And if you find yourself surrounded by or looking up to girls and women who are faithful and walking with the Lord, I just have to point out that that is not random. That common denominator is something much stronger than simply preferring the same brand of coffee or clothing outlet (Dunkin Donuts for the win, by the way). It’s a life-long—post-life long, actually—connecting point that seeps below the surface to connect and encourage both themselves and those around them—including you. 

I’ve talked to a lot of people who find themselves in this situation—surrounded by Christians—and are still skeptical of pursuing a faith for themselves. And here’s the number one reason, hesitancy, and straight-up turn-off I’ve heard over and over again:

People in the church claim they are acting lovingly, but really, are not at all. People who embody an “I’m a Christian so I know everything” attitude. 

Oof. This stings. And I think it stings so badly because it’s true. Some people act like that, whether they mean it intentionally or not.

And the thing is… I get it. I struggle with this, too. I get frustrated and honestly hurt when people or attitudes speak in a “holier-than-thou” way, and I’m even what you might consider being on their team, perse. I’m certain that I’ve come across that way in the past, and that deeply grieves me. It’s ironic because in no way was I ever actively trying to send that vibe. It just… happens. It happens when we get too focused on the small things rather than keeping the big things in perspective (AKA love) and are instead trying to earn it ourselves. At the end of the day, every single one of us is human, no matter our religious orientation. We are all learning and growing—forever students. Nobody is doing this life thing perfectly. 

Hypocritical church people are definitely one reason to hesitate in joining the race, so to speak. But are other people always a good measure of what we should do or what we believe? 

After this election cycle, it’s safe to say that very few people would look at their political party and say, “Gee, I really agree with every single person affiliated with this group and am more than proud to be a part of the XYZ party together!” I have yet to meet a person shouting that from the rooftops, but who knows. They may be out there.

I hope you wouldn’t judge me based on a handful of hypocritical Christians you’ve encountered, though. I would hope that rather, you’d judge me based on our interactions, our time together, and the character you can identify in me after spending face time with me. Not based on a whole other group of people who aren’t in our personal relationship. 

The same is true with God. I can’t say for certain, but I have a good feeling that He is deeply grieved when people judge Him based on others’ words and actions and not their own experiences with Him. The point of a relationship is to get to know the other person and develop a shared history—based on our experiences with said person. Not based on the words and actions of other people who aren’t in that relationship and don’t get a say in your personal matters. 

A relationship with God is built on a relationship, not a list of laws and rules. Although He does provide boundaries and guidelines, the more you get to know Him, the more understanding is fostered that those “rules” were created out of love and for our benefit. Don’t let the people you disagree with define what you get and what you believe—in matters of faith, or anything else. 

Above all, I want you to know you are worthy of love as you are, and I want to invite you into more exploration, as well as challenge you to answer the following question.

 What is holding you back? 

Really, truly what factors have blended in the perfect recipe to automatically discount a relationship with God?

We’ve talked about the whole “other people act X way and I don’t believe in what they’re doing” argument, but if we set that thought aside, what’s really underneath the skepticism? I ask this not in an accusatory sort of way, but rather as a prompt to understand and hear your heart. I’m not suggesting you blindly jump into any belief or decision. Research and logical thinking are beautiful and wise. Knowledge is power. The more I’ve looked into it for myself, though, the more I’ve discovered that it takes more faith not to believe Jesus rose from the grave than it does to believe that He did. 

Christianity is not a club you need a secret password to or are required to achieve an infinite number of good deeds before you are accepted. If there’s an aura of “you’re not good enough” or “you’re not welcome here” wherever you’re at, that says more about the other person than it ever could about you.

When you separate all the strands of the Christian faith, what’s left is one simple, beautiful thread (cue “Invisible String” by Taylor Swift, please). It’s a matter of having a personal relationship with Jesus. Not blindly following or doing all the right things or showing up to the most amount of Bible studies. Not reposting the most pieces of scripture or tattooing a cross on your body. Following Him and serving Him and changing your lifestyle are steps I believe evolve from an overflow of that love and relationship, not serve as the primary badge of righteousness. 

So again I ask—what’s holding you back? 

That golden thread is intertwined in everything, and it can become your everything if you give Him a chance. He is always there. He is ready when you are. He is crazy about you. He’s a Father, a savior, and a friend—the best one you’ll ever have, I can guarantee it.  I’m sorry if you’ve experienced otherwise, and I want you to know there is more to this faith thing than performing or earning or proving. Those things have no place in God’s Kingdom, and those things will never be what defines you, me, or anyone as a Christian. He’s so much better than that.