To the girl whose recruitment experience looked different than she thought—

Hey. I know this is a tender subject, and I am treating it that way, with the utmost respect, sincerity, and gentleness. While social media may not be your biggest friend today, know that I am. 

I also need you to know right off the bat that nothing is wrong with you. I will expand on that more, but just know that. It’s not you. Nothing is wrong with you or what you said or did, or what you didn’t say or didn’t do. Period, end of story. 

Sorority recruitment is intense. The whole semester leading up to it is hard, the week itself is hard, and this moment you find yourself in now is hard. It is just a hard process. After all the waiting and wishing and wanting, it’s surreal to finally experience it for yourself—rumors and stereotypes and legacies aside. 

It’s all too real to feel like you know exactly what you want and where you’ll be, and then the next moment you feel like the wind’s been knocked out of you, those dreams and expectations ripped from your fragile fingers. 

Whether you were released from the whole process or the one house you pictured yourself in didn’t envision things the same way, both scenarios sting. Why me? What did I do wrong? 

It’s brave to even walk into recruitment, to be honest (especially at a school like SMU where the Greek culture is intensified). Because at the end of the day, whether we know it or not, we are all holding onto these ideas:

I want to be wanted, and

I’m terrified of being rejected. 

Who doesn’t want a house of 150 girls to welcome them in and tell them how much they love them and want them there? 

And who would ever, in a million years, want to be left standing alone empty-handed as what feels like everyone else moves on and pushes through to the next round? Left wondering “What did I do?” and even worse, “What’s wrong with me?”

If you find yourself in that second scenario today, I’m here in that space with you and will simply tell you over and over again that nothing is wrong with you. That you are worthy and beautiful and loved. That you deserve friendships and relationships that go beyond the depth of sorority letters or matching jerseys. That this is not the end, but rather a beautiful beginning. Even though it may not feel like it right now. 

Someone once told me, “You’re in a sorority, you’re in the house you wanted! How could you understand how I’m feeling?” 

And to that, I gently replied: This is true. I am in a sorority. I am in a house full of amazing women that I love. So this exact scenario? Maybe you’re right. But rejection—that’s something I have experienced. A lot. And I know it well enough to understand how someone could look at what I have or my circumstances and think that I just don’t get it. 

As I’ve learned though through experience, though, rejection is rejection, and that same defeated feeling transcends Greek recruitment, unfortunately. 

Just this week—as I was helping girls through the process—I was denied an opportunity at SMU that I was truly excited about. I had tried to convince myself enough times that I didn’t really care about getting accepted into the program and that it wasn’t a big deal, but when I got the rejection email, I was… sad. Confused. Hurt. What was wrong with my application? In what ways was I not acceptable?

Those questions are the gateway to believing bigger lies that we are not, in fact, good enough and that we did, indeed, do something wrong. When in reality, that is just not the truth. Sometimes, for whatever reason that we can’t see from our vantage point right now, things just don’t work out the way we hoped. And it hurts. 

I’m not trying to tell you to move on and get over this today. Or even tomorrow. It may take a while for the pain of this to subside. Don’t rush it, and don’t feel like you have to polish yourself up when people ask. This is a real heartbreak, and you have every right to feel it. 

And on the flip side, time will go on. I promise. It will not always feel this way. So don’t let those lingering questions about what you could have done differently or how you need to change consume you. Don’t even entertain them at all, because they will keep you stuck in this cycle longer than you probably want to be. 

Although it may take some time to see it this way, you’re in a unique position. Because while you planned on spending a lot of time with a sorority this coming semester, suddenly that time is available. That time is inviting you into something different. God is writing a new page in your story, and it is not a mistake. This week was not a mistake. God doesn’t make mistakes when it comes to you and your life. 

Feel what you feel. Process it. Talk about it. Don’t feel ashamed about it. And when you’re ready, as time goes on, lean into what God has for you this semester and beyond. This no has opened up another space for you to say yes to whatever He has in store. 

There aren’t many words to cut the sting of rejection or loss in these initial moments, but I want you to know you are worthy. You are loved. You are beautiful, no matter what this week entailed for you. 

I love you and am cheering for you. 

Your friend, 

Anna Rose