I have a hunch. 

And I’m going to share it with you. 

But first, a story. 

In my sophomore and junior years of college, I had a night class every Tuesday and Thursday from 6:00-7:20 p.m. They were almost always about writing, so I enjoyed them. I enjoyed the professor, the content, and my routine before the class started. 

I’d swing through the dining hall, which was conveniently below the classroom, and I’d grab a cup of that free coffee before walking up the steps and settling into my chair. Free coffee! Meaning of course we paid for it in tuition dollars, but as I rolled out of that building with a steaming cup in hand, I wasn’t spending a single penny at the moment. I was being resourceful. I was fueling myself. I was preparing for what was yet to come—the class, then hanging out with friends, then cramming in assignments and projects, then a late-night snack, and then maybe another conversation with a friend to procrastinate ending the night at 1 or 2 a.m. Then I’d wake up at 7 or 8 a.m. and do it all over again. But not before grabbing that white cup with the green logo and the dark, steamy, liquid gold that fueled my days. I’d reach for my mug before I could even register what day it was, how I was feeling, how my body was doing, and what I needed and wanted to do that day. Let alone what God had in store for me that day. 

Needless to say, if I had that cup sitting in front of me in those night classes, it was a good night. If not, well, I’d just try my best to get through until I could go get another cup of coffee or a snack or whatever else it was. 

“It’s getting me through,” my friends and classmates would say as they raised their cups, too. If this is sounding slightly like an addiction or at least a heavy dependency on caffeine, it’s because it 1000% was. 

This story, along with the more extreme version, leads to the multitude of physical symptoms that marked my college experience in a very unique, yet, I believe, universal way.

The more extreme version of this story adds alcohol into the mix. In some seasons, on some nights, when I drank more alcohol than is healthy for any liver, body, or heart, I’d fall into bed, get 5-6 hours of sleep, wake up, grab that venti cup of joe, and do it all over again. The same cycle, the same stimulants, and triggers silently wreaking havoc on my body. 

Until suddenly my body wasn’t so silent anymore. 

You see, I have this hunch. I have this hunch that the world tells us so many lies about what college is supposed to be, and I think we get confused and chase those ideals, which hurts our bodies in the process. Sadly, I think college can be a time that silently destroys women’s bodies, right before so many try to have kids and start families. College can absolutely wreck our bodies. I’ve seen it in others, I’ve lived it myself, and I am writing to you today in hopes that you merely consider how good, holy, and beloved your body is before you embark on the wonderful, adventurous journey that is college.

I’ve shared briefly before and will be speaking more to my physical health journey in the future, but some of the symptoms I’ve experienced are: extreme, crippling fatigue; brutal headaches; hair loss; stomach issues; relentless brain fog; wildly uncontrollable PMS; and depression and anxiety. 

Some of those symptoms have since gotten better as I’ve learned what my body needs and how to take care of it, and some of those symptoms are still hanging around as I continue to pursue healing. Since college, I’ve gone on deep explorations of the human body, what it wants and needs, and how I can best fuel mine. Needless to say, my caffeine habits weren’t helping anything. 

What I remember so vividly in college are the times that all of those symptoms kicked up to unmanageable levels, when it was a struggle to get through the days, let alone do the work I needed to do at the level I wanted to do it—plus grow in my relationships with God, friends, and family. It was nearly impossible. And one of the hardest parts about it was the isolation. I didn’t know anyone that experienced similar symptoms, so I felt like I was doing something wrong, like I was the only person in the world that felt these unbearable physical symptoms that came with a heavy emotional toll. 

So if you have experienced any of those symptoms or can relate in any way to what I’ve shared, I want you to know that you are not alone, that it is not too late for healing, that you are not making up your symptoms. You are not crazy—your feelings and symptoms are valid. Promise. 

I’d felt some of those symptoms before college, so when I experienced them in my four years at SMU, I didn’t think much of them. At first. I didn’t connect the dots of my lifestyle choices to the way I was feeling, because, well, “this is just what college is,” says the world. 

But when I was suddenly on my own for the first time, making my own decisions about how much sleep I got, what I ate, and how I was managing my health, the pressures rose. The other pressures of college rose right along with them, and they weren’t going to back down because I was feeling desperately tired that day. They were only going to get worse and wear down my emotions, making the physical symptoms seem 100x worse. 

After a few years after some of those first moments of isolation, poor health choices, and symptoms, I can say very confidently because I’ve seen so clearly: physical health is so tightly and intentionally tied to our spiritual health. 

We have one body. 

One. 

And God has chosen to live in it. 

And that is good. 

That’s beautiful and miraculous, really. 

And what I choose to do to my body matters. 

How much sleep I get, what food I’m feeding myself, whether I’m exercising or not—it matters. A lot. Those choices make up our health. Day in and day out. 

And I believe so deeply that these choices can draw us closer to God, or they can push us in the opposite direction. 

Whether or not you are interested in how your body will function in four years, in eight years, in twelve years when you want to start a family, I have a feeling that you care about tomorrow. That you want to feel your best and get through the day with energy and passion to spare. That you want to soak up the fleeting college days ahead of you. 

And how, exactly, does this relate to college? How does this relate to the mega-exciting and marvelous journey you’re about to embark on?

Because, sweet girl, there are going to be pressures. Pressures to stay up all night studying and working, pressures to sign up for every extracurricular organization, pressures to drink, pressures to be at every social event, pressures to get coffee with 12 people in one week. Not to mention getting a 4.0, maintaining 500 rocking friendships, and proving to the world how great it is online. The worst part is that every one of these pressures and opportunities wants 100% of your energy, 100% of the time. 

And my friend, that is simply not possible. It is physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally not possible to do all of those things. Trust me. I tried. I tried a lot of those things, all at once. And you know what happened? My body crumbled. My body gave out on me. My body was screaming, “Hey, hi there, it’s me! I can not do this anymore! I can not care for you with how you’re feeding me, how you’re treating me!” 

I want to point you to the best, biggest, most refreshing freedom: you don’t have to do it all. You don’t have to fall into those traps. You don’t have to believe the lies that you must do it all, all the time. And the most unsurprising yet underrated part of this whole thing—of course, the pace of our lives is going to look different than the world. Of course, taking time to slow down, rest, listen to our bodies, and make wise decisions is going to stand out like a sore thumb in comparison to the hustle and bustle of the typical college experience. 

Because Jesus lived His life on Earth at a completely different speed. Jesus was completely different. Jesus said the first will be last and the last will be first. He had a backward way of doing things, and so of course the way we treat our bodies falls under that umbrella, too. 

When the world says do it all, Jesus whispers to love Him first, and He’ll help you prioritize what’s important. 

When the world says, who cares, just stay out a few more hours or have a few more cups of coffee or drinks, Jesus reminds us that He is in us, that our bodies matter.

When the world says, “We’re young, we can sleep when we’re dead,” Jesus invites us to a relationship without guilt of taking care of our physical bodies. The only bodies we will ever have. 

Even if you aren’t going out and partying every night, it’s still possible to deplete your body with repetitive sleepless nights, caffeine dependencies (guilty!), and the silent but deadly poison that’s in almost everything we consume—sugar. 

What I learned is that pulling an all-nighter is not a sign of strength, determination, or valor. In my own experience, it was a sign of weakness, fear, or poor time management. No matter how good the cause, no matter how worthy the project—your body deserves and needs to sleep. To heal itself, to recharge, and to give you a break. 

The beautiful thing is that it’s never too late to turn it around. It’s never too late to start making a different decision, to do some research and see what feels good and works best for your body. No matter how many destructive decisions we may have made—and trust me, I’ve made a lot—our bodies are absolute, powerful machines. God designed them to reveal His glory and His miraculous ability to heal. If I’ve experienced healing in many of my symptoms, I believe so deeply that anyone can. One decision at a time, one day at a time. 

So as you begin this wonderful, grand season of life that we call college, I beg you—I implore you—every once in a while, or better yet, every day—think and pray about how your body feels. About the things you’re doing to take care of it, about the boundaries you’re setting to help protect it, and about what will set you up for success. Pause for a minute and truly ask yourself, “How does my body feel right now?” 

There’s some truth to what they say—that college is only four years and we have the rest of our lives to sleep, heal, and whatever else we want to put off until we graduate. And that’s partially true. College is four years out of 50, 60, 70+ years of life. But we have one body. And it is that body that is going to carry us through those 50, 60, 70+ years of life. 

It will be hard to make different decisions than everyone around you. Whether it’s going to bed at 10 or 11 p.m. instead of 1 or 2 a.m., drinking more water than coffee, or only having one drink instead of blacking out, it’s these little decisions that make up our health and our realities. And when people around you aren’t all on board with that, it can be hard. I encourage to you share why your health and your daily habits are so important to you with a trusted friend or two or three. The more people you can get to rally around you, encourage you, and (especially) pray for you, the better off you will be. 

And if you can’t find those people right off the bat (I understand—that was me), you have the One who is not only with you—but in you—cheering you on, fighting for you, and protecting you every single day. No matter what comforts or circumstances we may have on the outside or whatever we think we’re missing in our lives, He will still be enough for us every single time, every single day. There’s not a day of your college experience that He will leave you, forget about you, or think differently of you. He adores you—He’s made your body His home, after all. 

Take that truth and hold it tight, sweet friend. As much as things are going to change in the next few months, that truth never will. And you can rest assured He’ll be there forging your path and breathing life into your body. You’ve got this. You are strong, and you are brave. I believe in you, and I can’t wait to see what He does through you. Big things are in store, and I pray that your body is up for the adventure.