This moment comes for everyone at one point or another, and I will never forget when it was my turn to experience it. 

I knew I would be saying goodbye to my parents on Wednesday, August 16, 2017, but I tried not to think about it too much until I literally could not avoid it anymore. 

On that muggy August day, we moved all of my clothes, decorations, and books (so many books) into Boaz Hall. It was a day with lots of commotion, introductions, and productivity. We ran our errands, we moved my stuff, and we finally took a deep breath that afternoon. And after we exhaled, we realized we were starving.  

So we ran to one of the closest and most popular SMU restaurants near campus, Banditos. I remember the exact high-top table we sat at, the way the cheese dripped off my chicken quesadilla onto my plate, and the weight of that moment as my dad prayed before our meal. There was an unspoken acknowledgment that this was the last time we’d be together in the same way, and my adrenaline made the butterflies go crazy within. 

Fast forward a few hours, and we were standing in front of Moody Coliseum, the basketball arena and indoor event center where I’d officially go start my freshman year experience. My parents and I walked up to the building and quietly stood there for a moment, not wanting the actual moment of goodbye to force us apart. 

But of course, as with every season of life and every new adventure, some things must change. It’s the only way to grow. So we hugged for the last time, and I tried not to cry as cute boys walked by and I ventured into the stadium. In that moment, I had absolutely no idea what the next four years would hold.

What struck me very quickly, though, and what I think you will find as you move into your dorm and begin this new chapter, is that you suddenly have to recreate your home, what’s comfortable, and the kind of life you want to live. Emphasis on you. This is a time for you to create your reality and fill it with people you love. One of the most overwhelming things to me was how many people I was meeting and how few solid connections I felt like I made. And that’s where a totally new life skill comes in: learning how to read people and decide who you want to spend your time with. 

And this is what I wish I knew, all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed as I stepped into my freshman year: 

A lot of the beginning of college is learning how to read people. How to decipher who your people are, who you can trust, who you gravitate towards, who makes you laugh, and ultimately, who’s running the same race as you. It’s not a skill you can really develop as your own until you’re actually on your own, figuring it out. 

You will be exposed to more people, and more kinds of people, than ever before. It is so exciting. It is so adventurous. And it is also so intimidating. 

I want to remind you of a few things, as you start meeting people and creating your new home base in this season:

 Just because you met someone your first semester of college doesn’t mean you’re required to be best friends for the next seven semesters. And the opposite is true, too—just because you don’t meet someone until later down the road doesn’t mean that friendship isn’t as valid, deep, or worthwhile. 

The timing of people coming into your life is not an accident. It might feel random sometimes, but it’s not. God is a lot of things, but He’s not random. And the introduction of friendships in your life is so intentional and so for your good.  

I struggled in my first semester. I didn’t meet a lot of Christians, I stopped branching out, and I was miserably homesick. Sometimes my friends now ask me if I wish things would have been different back then. My answer is always no. I truly believe I needed that semester, and many seasons later, to learn how to lean into God and decide for myself who my authentic community would be. If you don’t meet one, two, or ten best friends right off the bat, I want you to know that that’s okay. God isn’t hiding anything from you, being mean to you, or trying to trick you. What I would say, and what I wish I did more of in that semester, is keep reaching out to the people you like. I can’t quite put a name to it, but sometimes when you meet someone, there will be a flicker of excitement or hope inside of you because you can just tell there’s something good in them. That is not random—the Holy Spirit nudges us and gets our attention when a healthy, good relationship is right before us. We just have to be open to Him and trust what He’s revealing.

Keep reaching out to the people you like. Even when it’s awkward, even when you aren’t sure if they like spending time with you, or you with them. One of the best pieces of advice in this arena comes from Jennie Allen—a wise, wise woman & leader who talks a lot about building community through her ministry, If:gathering. She says that if we want a rocking community and amazing friendships, we have to suck it up and initiate plans + conversations ourselves. If we wait around forever for the other person to do it, it may never happen. There is no shame in initiating—only confidence and power. And I guarantee you the other person will be so glad you reached out because they are in the same exact season as you. They are feeling all of the things about adjusting to college, moving away from home, and making a whole new set of friends. 

Another thing I learned is that everyone’s story is different. When we start comparing the number of friendships in our lives to those around us, we get into deep water really quickly. Because we are all at different places spiritually, emotionally, mentally—no matter what it may look like on the outside. Even when social media tries to tell you a different story. 

And this brings up another super important note: you can not compare your freshman year experience to what you see on Instagram. The girl down the hall might post stories with different people every night and look like she has it all going on, but chances are that she’s still adjusting to this season, too. This is a really big adjustment. Yes, people may be making a lot of great friends, and they might share that on Instagram and Snapchat stories, but I guarantee you they’re not posting the moments when they’re homesick, when they feel alone in a big group of people, or when they’re struggling to adjust academically, socially, mentally, and beyond. People can post pictures together all day long, but the chances that they have formed a truly, deeply authentic relationship that will stand the test of time in the first month of college are very slim. Don’t beat yourself up if you feel like you’re not doing enough or not meeting enough people. And at the same time, be wise about what you’re posting. Are you sharing a picture just so you make sure other people think you aren’t lame, so that they know you are cool and meeting people? It’s a hard question to ask ourselves, but in the pursuit of living authentic lives, it’s one we must ask ourselves again and again.  

And finally, the most simple yet most powerful tool when it comes to making friends when you get to college: ask God. Ask Him to bring amazing, godly, fun! friends into your life. He created us to be in community, and He doesn’t want us to sit by ourselves all the time—it’s not good for our souls, mental health, or hearts. He is not going to leave you hanging on that prayer. You may not get a herd of 10 best friends knocking on your door the next day, but what you will start to notice is that He is planting seeds. Maybe a conversation you had with somebody a few weeks ago circles back, and suddenly your relationship with them goes to a deeper place. Maybe you make one incredible friend, and they are your answered prayer in this season. No matter what—He is with you. But we need people, and He wants to connect us. 

~

Four years later, after saying goodbye to my parents in front of Moody Coliseum, we stood there as I wore my cap and gown, taking pictures with the people who made my college experience so incredible. And the crazy thing was—I didn’t meet so many of those special people until my sophomore or junior year. Sometimes we aren’t quite ready to meet someone or dive into a relationship, and God intentionally leaves a little space for us to grow and mature before introducing us. Plus, some of my absolute favorite people in the whole wide world were not even at SMU until my junior and senior years because they are younger than me. You just never know when you are going to meet the people that will change your life forever. No matter if you feel like you have the friends of a lifetime or you’re struggling to find community—remember that you could be that person for someone else. The gifts, spirit, personality, and passions inside of you aren’t random, and there are other girls out there praying for a friend just like you. So keep praying, keep initiating, and keep going. You’ve got this, and you are in for the journey—and friendships—of a lifetime.