One night, shortly after returning from our honeymoon, I started muttering, “Oh no, no, no…” in between incoherent gibberish.

Mitch tried to wake me and repeated, “Honey, what is it?” more times than I remember.

“There’s a spider on the wall,” I whispered, insisting it wasn’t just an itsy bitsy spider but a tarantula. In my half-conscious, half-slumbered state, I believed a tarantula sat perched on the wall, awaiting my demise.

My sweet husband crawled out of bed, the flashlight on his phone primed and ready. He pointed the light at the wall only to reveal there was not, in fact, anything there except manilla-colored paint. I fell back asleep and forgot about it until our follow-up the following day.

“Do you remember me asking you about the spider last night?” I inquired. 

Mitch responded, “Do I? Of course. You were mumbling to yourself until eventually I could make out what you were saying.”

“I was absolutely convinced there was a tarantula on the wall in my lucid dream state,” I laughed. 

“Oh, I know. I’m sure you felt that way, but I knew there was not a chance you could see a spider on the wall in the dark, face down on the pillow through your sleep mask,” he answered. 

Oh, yeah. I was wearing a sleep mask to bed. Ha! There was no way I was seeing anything through my silky sleep mask. It was so ridiculous that I couldn’t help but break out in belly laughter. 

Many of us walk through life like this, though—convinced of things that are absolutely not true. We see ourselves in very low light, convinced we are ugly, unintelligent, not good enough, a joke, unworthy… fill in the blank. We believe the worst, believing others see us in a horrible light, that they are judging, critiquing, picking us apart. 

And while we will never know how everyone on Earth perceives us (thank goodness), I think sometimes we put too much stock in these mirages. At least, I know I do. We let the spiders on the wall have way too much power over us, leaving us covered in fear and insecurities. 

So what do we do? How do we dispel the lies and start digging our teeth into what is right, lovely, and true?

For starters, we can make a boatload of progress by filling our minds with truth and reframing how we view ourselves, the world, and God. AKA, tattooing the rich words and truths of scripture on our hearts. 

But we will also need something else to truly get to the other side of this struggle. 

We need a companion willing to crawl through the dark with us and shine a light on the lies. A person like Mitch who will say, “I believe you feel that way, but I’m here to say that’s not true. You are holding onto an image or belief and building your life around it, hanging onto it as if it’s all you’ve got. You are making it the sun and shying back from the life you were actually called to live. But look, that’s just a concoction of your mind, not at all real. Reach out your hand and try to touch it; there’s nothing there. I know this can be scary, but don’t you dare let this be the measure by which you live the life God has called you to. Don’t shy away from the mission, the blog, the date, the job, the class, or the dream because you feel a little fear. The fear doesn’t have any legs to stand on.”

We need people who point us to the truth and speak life over us. It’s how God wired us. So invite your people into your fears, into your thought life, into your worries. They will see what is true and lovely and what is just deception from the enemy. 

Don’t have someone like this in your life? My best advice: Start being this person. Vulnerability breeds vulnerability. Lead the way, and invite your relationships to go deeper. Ask the Lord to bring a friend who will crawl into the dark with you. We all need friends with flashlights, and I believe that’s a prayer He delights in answering.